Hello? Hello?

So again, she says, "Oh right - we have to check and see if we have any messages" as she picks up the phone to call her voicemail. And for the 3rd time this week I remind her, well, no - if you have messages the light will be blinking red....which falls on deaf ears.

"....Nope, no new messages!"

Why do I bother?

Also today the other one comes in saying she just got back from the doctor and she has to have an "octocsopy surgery first, before the real one. Is that how you say it?" What???

So after she explains it I ask, oh, you mean arthroscopic surgery? Yeah! That's it, was I saying it wrong?

Seriously? You work in a health office. I can't comprehend sometimes.

Chocolate??

Today I heard a story about "Godivas". Oh you talked about chocolate?? Nope. She meant "cadavers". She just kept saying "godivas". You get the idea though...

Meanwhile, the lamaze techniques have not abated because this one is petrified of an MRI so much I thought she might faint at the thought. Also not only do I have to walk her to the closet but now I have to carry all the sharps containers because they make her queasy. Really? these are heavy duty plastic containers securely fastened. Get. A. Grip.

Am I doubling as a babysitter?

So today, after some heavy duty lamaze practicing (I think because the phone was ringing again, I'm not really sure) my secretary asked me if I felt like taking a trip to the closet. Well, the honest answer is no, certainly not, but I know that's her way of telling me she doesn't want to go alone. Is it creepy you ask? No - it is a supply closet about 100 ft down the hall, about 10 ft away from the lunch room that she goes to every day, yet she can't walk there by herself, so I always have to go along for the ride. Like I don't have anything better to do. And like you're not almost 40.

Also yesterday was a riveting day of teaching how to "freeze panes" in excel. For like the 4th time. And I need an electronic copy of something (that is decidedly incorrect anyway) but before she can send it this woman needs to find someone that can show her how to attach the document to an email...so she said she will try to do it today. Seriously? Why are we still at this point? I understand technology takes some time to adapt to but...come on...

ohhhh technology

So today I look over a shoulder and see an email addressed to aasa.org --- obviously sending to no avail. Certainly not for a lack of trying though!! I think she tried to resend it like 3 times before deciding that was the wrong address...

Always something...

Alllllrighty

Well it's Monday and I'm already frustrated, should make out for a good week.

This morning, our secretary came in and out of our office fuming and breathing hard as if she was practicing lamaze techniques, and mentioned something about needing a raise because she's only technically supposed to be our boss's secretary but she's doing work for the whole department. Really? I wanted to say, "get out, you only answer the phone anyway and our department only has like 6 people", but instead I just tried my hardest to fake a smile and pretend for the umpteenth time this year that I was listening and cared. Which by the way has been getting progressively harder lately. And that "passive-agressive forced laugh when you really want to cry" look isn't working for you...find a new style.

Then, this afternoon, while I've been juggling constant phone calls of my own and issues that other people cannot get right no matter how many times we go over it, I just had to spend 15 minutes walking someone through a 5 step process to redirect their computer to the right server, (should take 4 minutes) only to find out that the whole process wasn't necessary at all, they just didn't realize you could click an arrow on the right of a drop down menu to scroll down if you didn't see your name in the menu.

And don't even get me started on my time spent walking someone through writing an email. That was last week. Riveting stuff I tell you.

Also -- another great gem I had forgotten about was the term "monkey survey". Every time people around here want to get a read on something from the population they suggest doing a "monkey survey". Next time that comes up I might just make up an entire survey monkey about chimps and gorilla trivia questions and see what happens

Gems from the past

So here all all my favorite ones from months past...

Searching schools alphabetized by first name: "What was Roosevelt's first name?" Umm, Franklin? "Oh man, you're getting good, how do you know all of these?"

From Microsoft Outlook: "How do you get to Google from here? Do you pay for Google on your phone?"

Using Excel: "I don't believe this formula will be right, I'm going to double check with my calculator" Fast forward 5 min when they don't equal: "This is weird, something is weird here they aren't matching!" Let me explain once more how Excel formulas are always correct...

"How do you figure out a 20% reduction again?"

City - wide email: "Mandatory State Ethnics Exam"

Binder titled "Faculty Senate Meeting Ajenda"

In response to looking for Korean-English translations for vaccines: "Well, was there an attached document? You know how sometimes when you open up a word document all those symbols come up? Maybe that's what she saw."

"We need to find someone for the Tobacco Sensation program" (I believe the word you were looking for is cessation)

1st grader son: "Mom, what is a verb?"
Coworker mother: "What? I don't know. Didn't your teacher tell you?"

Let's get this party started

Welcome! So this is my first attempt at starting a blog, but honestly I've been talking about it for so long I needed to just bite the bullet because the things I overhear at work are just too much for only me to enjoy. So this will basically be a forum for me to document ridiculous things that my coworkers have said and/or done and maybe some gripes in between. All in good jest though I promise, no one wants to read Debbie Downer's blog posts.